Never Split the Difference

06 August 2025 - 3 mins read time
Tags: Running Blogs

Based on Chris Voss’s extensive work as an FBI hostage negotiator and his teachings in “Never Split the Difference,” here are the key persuasion techniques that apply effectively to text-based communication scenarios:

Voice and Tone Techniques (Adapted for Text)

• Email Softeners: Use “I’m sorry” and “I’m afraid” liberally throughout emails before potentially negative statements to soften the tone and prevent defensive reactions

• Kindness as Default: Maintain a positive, encouraging tone as your default communication style - think “easygoing, good-natured person” even in text

Tactical Empathy in Written Form

• Written Labeling: Use phrases like “It seems like…”, “It sounds like…”, or “It looks like…” to acknowledge and validate the other person’s emotions or perspective in emails and messages

• Accusation Audit: Preemptively address potential objections or concerns in writing before the other person raises them, demonstrating that you understand their position

• Mirroring via Text: Repeat back 1-3 key words from their previous message as a question to encourage them to elaborate and feel heard

Strategic Email Structure

• Warning of Bad News: Start difficult emails with “I’ve got something you’re not going to want to hear” to prepare the reader and reduce defensiveness

• Finish Positively: End emails with genuine positive intent, such as “The reason I’m sending this is because we want to work things out positively”

• Short and Direct: Keep negotiation emails brief and focused on one main point to avoid confusion and maintain impact

“No”-Oriented Questions for Text

• The Power of “Have you given up?”: Use this one-sentence email technique to re-engage unresponsive contacts while triggering their natural aversion to loss

• Other “No”-Oriented Patterns: “Is it ridiculous to think…?”, “Would it be horrible if…?”, “Is it a bad idea to…?” - these make people feel safe and in control

The “Chris Bonus” - Using Your Name for Forced Empathy

• Personal Name Strategy: Introduce yourself by name in a friendly way and ask for the “[Your Name] discount” or “[Your Name] price” to humanize yourself and create forced empathy

• Humanization Effect: Using your own name makes the other person see you as a real person rather than just another business contact, increasing their willingness to help

Calibrated Questions in Writing

• “How” and “What” Questions: Frame requests using “How am I supposed to do that?” or “What would you need to make this work?” to create forced empathy and collaborative problem-solving

• Avoid “Why” Questions: These can sound accusatory and put people on the defensive, especially in text format

Email-Specific Persuasion Tactics

• Read Emails Aloud: Before sending, read your email out loud in the worst possible voice to catch potential tone problems

• Tone Awareness: Remember that emails will be read in the recipient’s current mood, which you cannot control, so err on the side of extra politeness

• Summary and Confirmation: Use emails to summarize verbal conversations and confirm agreements rather than conducting complex negotiations entirely via text

Advanced Text-Based Techniques

• Paraphrasing and Summarizing: Reflect back what you understand from their position in your own words to demonstrate understanding and trigger “That’s right” responses

• Strategic Pauses: In text exchanges, allow time between messages rather than rapid-fire responses to let your points sink in

• Loss Aversion: Frame your communications to highlight what the other person might lose by not responding or engaging, rather than what they might gain

These techniques transform potentially confrontational text-based communications into collaborative problem-solving exercises while maintaining the psychological principles that make Chris Voss’s methods so effective in high-stakes negotiations.